The Reverence of Men by Women in Circassian Society

In the system of Circassian values—Adyghe Khabze—the attitude of a woman towards a man was built on a delicate balance between outward obedience and profound inner dignity. This was not a slavish submission; the status of women in traditional society was “separated” from that of men, which under the framework of a military-oriented societal organization gave her significant freedom and rights. The reverence of a man by a woman was perceived as an acknowledgment of his role as a protector, provider, and guarantor of the clan’s safety.

Rituals of Respect and the “Culture of Shame”
Reverence for a man was expressed through strictly regulated forms of etiquette.

• The custom of standing up: A woman of any age and social class was obliged to greet an entering man by standing. She could sit down only after the man gave an appropriate sign. Even if a horseman simply rode past women sitting down by the gates, they were expected to half-rise as a sign of respect for his status as a warrior.
• Public restraint: Circassian morality (Adygage) condemned any display of emotions in public. A wife was forbidden to throw her arms around her husband’s neck, even when seeing him off to war or welcoming him after a long separation. It was believed that feelings should be subordinated to reason, and the involvement of outsiders in the intimate sphere of spouses was unacceptable.

Language Taboos and Secondary Names
The most important instrument for honoring older male family members and the husband was the custom of avoidance and the accompanying verbal prohibitions.

• Ban on names: A woman never called her husband, father-in-law, or brothers-in-law by their real names. Doing so was considered a sign of bad manners and disrespect.
• Respectful circumlocutions: Instead of names, affectionate and respectful titles (гъэфIагъыцIэ) were used. A daughter-in-law addressed her father-in-law as “our prince” (ди пщ), the husband’s older brothers as “my bright one” (си нэху), and her husband as “he” (ар) or “himself” (езыр).

Duties and Caring for the Man
The daily life of a Circassian family involved a clear division of labor. The man was the “provider,” while the woman was the guardian of the home’s inner life.

• Domestic dedication: The wife entirely took care of her husband’s living conditions: she herself wove the cloth and sewed all his clothes—from underwear to the Circassian coat (cherkeska)—with such care that “the dress itself would wear out before a seam would burst.”
• The cult of cleanliness: A woman’s duties included maintaining perfect order in the men’s half of the house (the kunatskaya). The bed had to be flawlessly clean, and the linen washed and ironed.
• The washing ritual: In some sub-ethnic groups, an archaic custom persisted, according to which an honored woman in the house (or the master’s daughter) would wash the feet of a guest or a warrior returning from a campaign.

The Woman as a Moral Arbiter
Despite the formal primacy of the man, it was the woman who acted as the highest judge of his valor.

• Inspiration for heroism: A woman’s praise was considered the highest reward for a rider.
• Condemnation of cowardice: A woman could publicly humiliate a man for displaying cowardice. If a husband returned from the battlefield without glory, his wife could greet him coldly, barely speaking to him until he restored his honor. There are known cases of mothers disowning sons who showed cowardice, and wives offering their husbands their headscarves or maiden caps instead of a papakha if they failed to defend the honor of the clan.

In the intimate sphere, the woman was not a passive object either. In the marital bedroom (лэгъунэ), she retained her authority, and her sexual activity was considered a guarantee of reproductive health and family stability. Marriage was strictly monogamous, and a Circassian woman never agreed to share her home with another wife.